Camp Boris '04 report card [humour]

A kayaking buddy of mine (Boris) wrote this evaluation of an "advanced"
kayaker we took on Lower Deer Creek last weekend. He really did say,
"Those aren't real rapids, there are too many rocks in there."
------------------------------------------------------------

Camp Boris Progress Report Card
(You make them, we break them!)

Student Name: Jerry "There Ain't no Class V Rivers in California"
Course: Introduction to Class IV Kayaking
(Prerequisite for Class V Kayaking)

Activity Grade

Basic paddling skills Incomplete
River reading D+
Swimming under duress C-
Paddle management C-
Hi-siding F
Self-rescue D+
Scouting ability Unknown

Ability to follow instructions F-
Debating A+
Willingness to take uncalculated risk A
Ability to repeat mistakes A
Ability to learn from mistakes F
Physical fitness G*
Endurance G-*

Overall motivation D+
Social skills 1 (partying at night) D
Virtual social skills (talk about partying) A+
Fire building and other camp chores Unknown**

* The lower end of the conventional grading scale had to be expanded
to appropriately evaluate these factors.

** Jerry split from the group after 3 hours, camped at mile 1 of 23,
and the next day hiked back to put-in.

Instructor's Comments: Jerry must be given credit for enrolling
at Camp Boris eager to demonstrate his superior boating abilities.
However, exuding confidence and enough hot air to lift the Bush
economy out of recession, he quickly demonstrated his disdain for
any physical activity that does not involve jaw muscles. A classic
line like "There are no Class V rivers in California" was repeated
with such confidence that an uninformed listener might have been
inclined to believe it. Unfortunately, after one or two beers he
become so confident of his boating abilities that he stuck his neck
out, dangled his cojones and dared one to whack both of them off
with a kayak paddle* he provided and sharpened for the occasion.
Jerry appears to belong to a Type PB (Pure Bull) personality and
is unlikely to admit making mistakes, which eliminates the need
to learn from them. Several of Jerry's post trip statements like
"Those were not really rapids, there were too many rocks in there"
or "Why would you want to paddle for 3.5 hours?" are good examples
of the PB personality type and boating attitude.

Open Issue: Can advanced kayakers use a Bending Branches (*) paddle?

Pedagogic Recommendation: Despite arriving in camp self-classified
as an "advanced" kayaker, Jerry will not be allowed to advance to the
next level at Camp Boris if he remains convinced that a good example
of real Class V rapids can be found on the main Salmon River in Idaho.
Another prerequisite for Class IV kayaking is the ability to paddle
two class III+ rapids (over an aggregate distance of 0.1 mile) without
taking a 15-minute break or showing early signs of cardiac arrest.

<big grin>

I'll keep that report card in mind the next time I bump into some
paddler I don't know who is full of boasting and lacks everything else...

Wilko


--
Wilko van den Bergh Wilko<a t)dse(d o t>nl
Eindhoven The Netherlands Europe
Look at the possibilities, don't worry about the limitations.
http://wilko.webzone.ru/